


There Is A Bloodbath In Your Head (I'll paint myself red to fit right in)

by Saral_Hylor



Category: The Losers (Comic)
Genre: Atheism, Cougar angst, Fractured Relationship, Jensen Feels, Jensen's POV, M/M, POV First Person, Post Helicopter Crash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2013-09-30
Packaged: 2017-12-28 00:59:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saral_Hylor/pseuds/Saral_Hylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's after the helicopter crash, after Max ruined their lives and ended the lives of all those children. Cougar isn't coping. Jensen notices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There Is A Bloodbath In Your Head (I'll paint myself red to fit right in)

**Author's Note:**

> This title has been in my mind for a long time, and it was only while driving 600km in one day that I finally thought up a fic to go along with it. 
> 
> Thanks to Cougars_catnip for the read through, and for pointing out the terrible balls up I had in this fic. Thanks to her also for not getting offended by it. Or at least not telling me that she was. 
> 
> Thanks to quandong_crumble for the read through as well.

I see you, that haunted look that won't dissipate. Those eyes that will no longer meet mine, but hide behind the brim of your hat. Your hands, bandaged and no longer able to hold your rifle. No longer able to pull the trigger. You're blank, closed off, but I know what is going on inside your mind. It's fire and screaming. The smell of burning flesh, fuel and metal. The heat. The pain. The blame.

You don't need to say anything for me to know all of this. I can just tell. And I know there is nothing I can do to take it away.

I hear you, at night, the sounds of nightmares that still plague your sleep. The mutter of prayers when you wake and still believe that a higher power out there somewhere will watch over all those tiny lost souls. I don't point out things as I see them, as I so often have before, that lead to the half-hearted arguments between us of creation versus evolution. But, that's behind us now, and I don't see how, if there was a god, he would have stood by and let those children burn. Burning is for sinners, and it should have been us, not them, because they were innocent. For once, I can keep my mouth shut and let you have your faith. You don't even know I'm awake in those moments. But I'm always awake when you sleep. I can't let you be alone in that pain, but you won't let me near you anymore. I can't press my body close to yours, or run my fingers through your hair, just to prove I'm there.

But I won't go away. You might not want me right now, but the way I feel you watching me when you think I won't notice, or the way you let me change your bandages, tells me that you still need me. I need you, so I'll stay for all the selfish and selfless reasons my mind can supply, but I know one simple truth. You and me, together 'til the end.

I can see the damage. I can hear the aftermath. There is nothing I can do. But I won't leave your side. 

There is a battlefield in your head, full of the death of those children. Full of the death you wish upon Max. I'll be right there with you, fighting by your side.

There is a bloodbath in your head, and I'll paint myself red so I can fit right in. 


End file.
